Why I never say yes!

People pleasing and wishful thinking are two of the reasons I never say yes!

Well that’s not strictly true. Obviously I do say yes but it’s no longer my default setting. Let me explain.   

Here’s the scenario. I’m out and about and chatting with friends (that in itself can be stressful but that’s a whole other newsletter) and someone suggests a night out. Everyone is super excited and full of smiles. Suggestions fly thick and fast - where we can go, what we can do and before you know it I’m agreeing and I’m nodding and I’m actually thinking it’s a good idea.

And then I get home.

And all the feels kick in. The emotions, the anxiety, the panic. What have I done? And I start imagining how I can get out of it.  But here’s the real problem. I’m not really sure I do want to get out of ‘the thing’ but I am sure I shouldn’t have said yes straight away.

There’s nothing wrong with being an introvert.  And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with taking a pause before saying yes.  So much energy is wasted going over the past “Should I have said yes? Why did I say yes? Do they even want me to go?” And then there’s the jumping into the future energy “what will happen if I go, what will they think if I pull out?” And then round and round the mind goes, because that’s what minds do.  But all of this could have been avoided by simply not saying yes in the beginning. Which isn’t to say you won’t ever join in any social events. What it does mean is that you will fully enjoy the ones you choose to say yes to.

So what I’ve learnt over time is never say yes - or to be more accurate never say yes straight away. Take a breath. Insert a placeholder sentence and give myself time to think. Then only commit to what I really want to do.

If this lands for you then consider this your permission slip.  Next time you get asked to go on a night out, a weekend away, lunch or dinner whatever it is, you’re allowed to not answer immediately. Life is not about pleasing others at the expense of giving yourself peace of mind.

If you’d like to know some of my tried and tested ‘pause phrases’ I’ll be putting them all out in another newsletter. 

Have a great week, and above all - remember everything changes

Allyjo